


Confessions and Denial

by diceWW



Category: Hyouka & Kotenbu Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diceWW/pseuds/diceWW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love. Some consider it an indescribable wonderful feeling that is almost similar to the feeling of being in ecstasy. Some consider it a mental illness; something that causes a temporary lapse in judgement to one. Some say that love is something that cannot be defined accurately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Confessions and Uncertainty

Love. Some consider it an indescribable wonderful feeling that is almost similar to the feeling of being in ecstasy. Some consider it a mental illness; something that causes a temporary lapse in judgement to one **[1]**. Some say that love is something that cannot be defined accurately.

The fact that there are so many distinct definitions for only a short four-letter word, it is only logical for moi to be inclined to agree with the last sentence. Heck, I even have my own definition of it: Love is an unnecessary emotion for an Oreki Houtarou since an Oreki Houtarou has no plans of reproducing… ever.

While it is true that I have no qualms with myself (to the point where I can say with definite conviction that I love myself), I admit that the world would be a better place if there were less people like me in it. What the world needs are those Satoshi types who do their best to be knowledgeable of anything and everything about the world, including the useless ones… especially the useless ones. They will be the record of everything and anything so that the next generations can know of them; those Ibara types who are perfectionists, to the point of being unforgiving of themselves whenever they commit a mistake. They are the ones to contribute improvements and new technology to the world; and finally, the Chitanda types who are ever curious of anything and everything, even the mundane. They are the ones who will fill the gaps that the Satoshi types might overlook, and the ones to start the drive for improvement that the Ibara types need.

The world does not need us Houtarou types really. We Houtarou types, ones that aim to be as average as possible, do not contribute that much to the betterment of this world. And no, I am not saying this because I hate us Houtarou types (as I've said before, I love myself). I am just stating what is fact.

So yes, anything that has to do with love is just plain unnecessary for an energy efficient guy such as moi. That's why it is justified that I am annoyed at the topic that Satoshi has decided to bring up just now.

"So Houtarou, aren't you atleast bothered by it?" asked Satoshi after finishing his narration of what he found to be interesting.

"Bothered by what?" I asked half-heartedly. As I've already said, I am not interested with the topic.

"You know, the fact that Chitanda-san has been asked out today?"

Why would I be? Chitanda is a lady of beauty. It is not surprising for her to be confessed to. There's nothing to be bothered about really.

If someone was to ask me out though, that would be a bothersome thing. An Oreki Houtarou does not have any redeeming qualities. I accept that now. Well maybe there is my deductive skills but I'm pretty sure that there is someone else better out there who has the same capability. And no, I am not saying this because I pity myself. In fact, I am content with myself. I accept all of my shortcomings.

"…so? What of it? It's not like this is the first time you know?"

"Ohh, but it is."

…

Is there something wrong with this guy? Have he just forgotten the many times that he gossiped with me about the numerous confessions that the raven-haired beauty have received? Because I didn't. I couldn't. How could I when he reminds me once every two days!? _Damn you Satoshi, can't you just take a hint?_

I didn't give Satoshi a verbal response. I just stared at him with one of my brows arched up. That should tell him to just spit it out.

"Unlike the previous ones, she did not immediately say no to the guy this time. She said that she'd think about it."

…

Okay? Still, why would I be bothered by it? It's not like it has anything to do with me. And besides, even if this is the first time she did it, I think that it is only appropriate of her to say that. Being asked out by someone should be something that should be thought about. I say that she should do it more often, even if she ultimately says no.

"…so? What's wrong with that?" I asked as I arched up my already arched eyebrow even higher.

Satoshi didn't answer immediately. He just continued grinning at me.

I just continued to stare at him in response. I asked him a question. Even if it was a rhetorical one, I expect a verbal response from him. He is Satoshi afterall.

He eventually relented and let out a sigh. Looks like I've won this round. Houtarou 18; Satoshi 2

"This isn't as fun as I thought it would be."

Uh-huh. And why did you think that this would even be remotely fun again?

"Satoshi, I don't even know why you're telling me all this."

At that, Satoshi raised his point finger, waddled it while letting out three 'tchs', and then pointed such finger at me while saying,

"Houtarou, it is fairly obvious that you fancy our own Chitanda-san. I bet that even Chitanda-san herself has suspicions of it. That's why I thought that I can have fun teasing you with this."

…

Yeah. It's true. I won't deny it. I have an infatuation to the creature that is Chitanda Eru. I mean, who wouldn't be? She's intelligent, charming, beautiful, easy to the eyes, innocent, pure, gentle, caring, and a hundred more positive words to describe the masterpiece that is Chitanda Eru. So what's the point in me denying it right?

However, it is just that, mere infatuation. I am fairly sure of it. And since infatuation is only a temporary thing, I will have to just to wait and let it pass away. It won't evolve into something more if I don't let it. As I've said, love is an unnecessary thing for an Oreki Houtarou. And as per my motto: _If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick._

_..._

_Now that I think about, the second half of my motto can't really apply on this one huh?_

...

I don't know why Satoshi thought that he was teasing me though. From my point of view, he was just being annoying. Did he think that I would get jealous? Non-sense! I don't own Chitanda. I have no right to be jealous. Jealousy is an energy-wasting emotion; an energy conservationist such as moi must do what s/he can to be away from such thing. It is unnecessary and is contrary to the principles of energy conservation. An Oreki Houtarou should know better not to deal with it.

"Even if I did, as you would say, fancy her, that won't be enough reason for me to be bothered by this. Besides, if she does go on with it, then good for her. As long as the guy isn't anything like me, things will be fine. She does not need someone unmotivated such as I. She deserves someone better."

While I truly meant those words, something about them left a bitter taste in my mouth. Something I couldn't quite describe. It is like I should feel regret over saying those words. Could it be jealousy? Possibly. But as I've said, I have no need of such emotion. That must mean that the possibility of it is close to nil. Could it be disappointment? Plausible. But I really have no reason to be disappointed. I should even be more glad if she does find someone else to dedicate her time to. That means that I won't have to uncontrollably spend my energy just to satiate her curiosity…

Well whatever this feeling is, it's unpleasant. And as I do with everything unpleasant, I will ignore such. Besides, such didn't affect the genuineness of my words. Chitanda Eru really does deserve someone better.

…

Yep.

"So it's like that huh?" says Satoshi while shaking his head.

Yeah, it's like that.

I didn't give him a verbal response. Instead, I averted my gaze from him. I looked up into the sky through the window and mulled over how many more days will I have to spend like this? It's getting pretty annoying you know?

…

After a few seconds, I heard a huge sigh from none other than Satoshi. I just know that he did that to get my attention. And attention is what I gave him.

"You know Houtarou, you will regret ever saying those words. You might think that they are true and justified right now, but I just know that that you would regret every saying them."

I gave him a questioning look at that. It is as if he just read my mind.

_Has his accumulation of various pointless knowledge finally given him the ability to read minds?_

_..._

_Let's put that to the test shall we?_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Nope. He can't read minds. Well okay then._

"Uh-huh. What made you say that?"

"Hmm. Don't know really. What I do know is that I've been through something similar. Remember? You were there too you know."

I suddenly remembered a scene on a bridge. It was snowing. It was just the two of us, Satoshi and I. It was on the day of chocolates and the color red. I've just handed to him the stolen chocolate that he stole himself. He then talked about his obsessive nature, and how he doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as Ibara Mayaka.

I then remembered a scene with pink cherry blossoms fluttering along with the wind. A certain raven-haired beauty, who had just shared her whole being to me, was smiling at me, her hair swaying to the rhythm of the gusts.

What I've thought of and what I've said that time were different.

I remembered the unpleasant feeling that I have then.

…

I just can't help but internally chuckle (which I don't do very often. I am guy known for not showing much expressions).

I see. Maybe what I have for Chitanda isn't just petty infatuation. Maybe it is indeed something more. Maybe one would call it love. Maybe one would call it attachment. Maybe one would call it something else.

…

However, it won't change the fact that she deserves someone better. Yes, I may have been the only one to satiate her curiosity now. But what if there comes a time where she presents to me a mystery that I cannot solve? What if there comes when I no longer have the ability to satisfy her curiosity? What if there comes a time where someone better comes along her way? What if there comes a time when she no longer needs me?

…

For an Oreki Houtarou, love is an unnecessary thing.

* * *

"O-Oreki-san!"

"W-what?"

I was woken up from my daydreaming by the sudden shouting of my name by the usually well-mannered young lady.

Club activities have ended and we are now on our way home. Why are we walking together you ask? Well, that's how it always was. We walk home together, she pulling her bike along, while I walk alongside her. We will eventually part where the common route to our respective homes ends. I don't really walk her home. I mean home home. That's only something that boyfriends would do. Obviously, I am not her boyfriend.

…

I'd probably do so though if she asks me to, which, thankfully, hasn't happened yet. I just don't know why I can't resist her biddings. Are we Houtarou types forever doomed to attend to every whim of them Chitanda types?

…

That's disturbing.

…

Where was I again?

…

Ah right, Chitanda just shouted my name. I wonder why though.

"What is it Chitanda?"

"Ahmm… Ah..." the raven haired continued like that for a few seconds until she said "Nevermind."

_Uh-huh. Good talk Chitanda._

Seeing that she said that I shouldn't mind it, I resume my walk on the way home. I expected the young lady to follow suit. However she didn't. She just stood there.

"Uh Oreki-san… ahmm... actually-"

Is she seriously doing this again? For the love of- My one and only true love is waiting for me at home! I am referring to sleep and my bed by the way, so don't get your hopes up too high. This whole day has been tiring for me. First, I have to deal with Satoshi. Second, I have to deal with Satoshi. And third, I have to deal with this young lady and the weird whispering during club which I assume that they didn't want me to hear. I probably wouldn't have if they weren't so obvious. I'd have to use the last of my energy reserves just to pretend that I was unaware.

It shouldn't be surprising that I want to go home right now and just sleep.

…

But, I just can't leave the young lady here.

…

Sigh. I'm sorry future generations of the Houtarou type. I cannot break from our curse of always attending to the needs of the Chitanda types. Please forgive me.

"This is about the confession you got earlier isn't it?" I finally asked her.

"…yes." was her reply.

"And you are about to tell me that you're curious about it?"

The young lady just nodded at that. She then averted her gaze from me.

Figures. This is what they were whispering about earlier. I don't know why it is hard for her to say it to me though.

"Well, what of it that makes you curious?"

The young lady returned her gaze to me at that. I studied her eyes. I don't see the usual curiosity in the. What I see is determination.

"I am curious as to what you feel of it Oreki-san. My decision to not to say no that is."

…okay? That does not make any sense. I know that I am more than just an acquaintance to her, but why would my opinion on the subject matter to her? I am not her parent. And I am certainly not her. It's her business, and I have no say of it.

…

But if she is this curious about it, then let's give her what she wants.

"Well, is the guy ill-mannered?"

I had to ask. Chitanda is a graceful lady. It would be awkward for her to date an ill-mannered guy. Worse, she might be influenced by her. Now I know that her parents don't know me personally… yet (with how much we've been spending time together, I just know that the day of me meeting her parents is not so faraway). But if they ever know that I consented to this and found out that the guy isn't really well mannered, I don't know what would happen to me. They could do a lot of things. They have the power of money afterall.

"I don't think so. He asked me politely and respected my request to have some time to think about it."

_Good. He passes part one of the 'Are you fit to date Chitanda Eru' test. Now onto part two._

"Does the guy give you some bad-boy vibes?"

Again, I had to ask. I can't have some bad guy dating her. Who knows what he could to the young lady? I don't want to think about it. I don't want anyone to ever taint the purity and innocence that is Chitanda Eru.

"…no. I can feel that he's a good person. I talked about him to Mayaka-san, and she said that he's not a bad guy."

_Good job. Good guy passes part two. Now onto the final part._

"Lastly, is he in anyway like me?"

"Huh?"

Yes. I had to ask. I did say that she deserves someone better right? Anyone who is like me does not fit that bill. It wouldn't do her good if she dates somebody like me. Even more so if that somebody does not have the ability to satiate her ever-flowing curiosity.

Them Chitanda types must really stop bothering us Houtarou types. Seriously. It might jeopardize their chances of finding a suitable partner you know?

"Just answer the question." I said with more emotion than I usually do.

…

"Uhmm… No, he isn't like you Oreki-san. Nobody is like you. You are unique. You are one of a kind. Oreki-san is the only Oreki-san that I know of."

_Ding! Ding! Ding!_

_Congratulations confession guy! You have passed the 'Are you fit to date Chitanda Eru' test. You may now claim your prize._

"Well, then I'm fine with it."

"Huh? What do you mean by that Oreki-san?"

_Ah, Chitanda, I was pretty clear and concise with what I've just said. What need is there for clarification?_

"I said I'm fine with it. I'm fine with whatever you do with it. I'm fine if you push through. I'm fine if you don't."

The moment I ended my 'speech', I swear that the young lady felt more gloomy than usual.

"…I see. Well, I'm still thinking about it."

...

Well, I guess that it's only reasonable to give her more time to think about this.

"Just make sure to not take too long."

And with that, I guess that her current stint of curiosity is taken care of. Good job Houtarou. Now let's go home.

I resumed (successfully this time) my walk home. This time, the young lady followed suit. Good. There's no point in staying here anyway. We don't have anything urgent to talk about. Unless she wants to talk to me about her unusual gloominess.

" _I was hoping that you'd at least be bothered by it."_

"Hm?"

"N-nothing…. Let's just go home now eh Oreki-san?"

_Uh-huh. I swear that you just said something._

But I really shouldn't mind it. I'm sure that it's not that important if she doesn't want to tell me. Besides, I really want to go home now. The land of sleep is waiting for me.

"Yeah."

* * *

When we finally went our separate ways, I felt that my steps became heavier. I'm not sure of it, but I have a feeling that it had to do with the fact that Chitanda seemed sad of my answer to her. Why would she be sad though? She should be happy that she got my approval at all. From what I have gathered, it seems that she values my opinion highly. I just wish that she wouldn't.

…

Unless…

Nah…

She doesn't deserve an under-achieving guy like me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 - End
> 
> [1] Reference to the Haruhi Suzumiya Series. Haruhi's definition of love.


	2. His Denial and His Awareness of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An under-achiever like me does not deserve her. Such masterpiece must be left to the hands of someone who truly deserves her.
> 
> And I have long accepted that that someone isn't me.

"Houtarou, can you believe it?"

And here again is Satoshi about to do something 'fun' (for him, not me). I mean seriously, can't he just take a hint? I may have been able to solve almost all of the mysteries that the young lady has been throwing at me, but once in a while, I just want to be told straight of the things people want to say to me you know? No need to solve any 'puzzles' you know? Just a day of me not having to rack up my brain just to figure things out?

No?

Ok then.

…

These days, if it isn't Chitanda who's peppering me with questions about anything and everything, it is Satoshi who presents me _fun_ 'puzzles' that he wants me to solve. Can't the guy just give it to me straight please? I won't really mind if he only does it once in a while. But the rate that he's been doing it the past days, sometimes I question why I'm still associated with him… and Chitanda for that matter too.

What did the Oreki Houtarous of the past do for us Oreki Houtarous of the present have to suffer such injustice? If they continue to be like this, I'll either have to forego of my motto or move out of Kamiyama, both of which aren't really appealing options.

….

Sigh.

I guess I'll just have to indulge him on this one. He is my _best friend_ afterall.

"Believe what?" I asked.

"It is happening!"

_Uh-huh. Good work Satoshi. I totally figured out what's going on with just that._

And oh, just so there won't be any misunderstandings, I was being sarcastic.

"…what is this 'it'?" I asked again, this time with tone of annoyance.

"You know… the date!"

…

Okay, that may be a more useful clue than the other one he just gave me. But still, it's vague. The word 'date' has a lot of meanings, all of which differ vastly from each other.

So, what is this 'date' that he is referring to?

Is he referring to the fruit? But based on how he said it, that can't be. I mean, a fruit cannot happen. You cannot just say 'The pineapple is happening!' now can you?

Is he referring to the number that indicates the day or the month a combination of both? Hmm. Could be. But that's too general. Anything can happen on a day. And I doubt that Satoshi would give me such a vague clue considering that what he just gave me is already vague enough. If he was really referring to this kind of date, he would have just said it as 'August 8 **[1]** is happening!'.

So by process of elimination, it must be that one huh. The one related to love. Well I suppose that even Satoshi wants to brag about it. He's still a guy afterall. I don't really know what he would accomplish by bragging it to me though. I don't really care about these kinds of stuff. Anything related to love is unnecessary for an Oreki Houtarou right? And anything unnecessary for moi is uninteresting for moi too.

"…why would you ask me if I believe it? What need is there for me to doubt? Isn't it normal for couples to go out on dates?"

"Huh? Couple?"

_Well yeah. Aren't you and Ibara a couple? I was there when you two became official you know, along with Chitanda who looked even happier than you._

"…you and Ibara?"

Satoshi made a face at that. _Oi, don't tell me that you've already forgotten that you two are an item now. What are you, a goldfish_ **[2]** _?_

"Why yes, it's normal for couples to be out on dates. But I'm not talking about us!"

I arched one of my eyebrows at that.

_Uh-huh. And which couple are we talking about then? As far as my social circle goes, you two are the only ones who are an item. Unless there's someone else that you know of that I don't._

"I'm talking about Chitanda-san! She has decided to give it a try!"

"Oh." I admit that I was a little bit surprised, but I suppose that I should have seen this coming. I mean, we talked about it just a few days ago. And she kind of asked for my approval which I sort of gave to her…"Good for her then."

…

I swear that I tasted something sour when I've said those words. I wonder why?

"You're still not bothered by this aren't you?"

I shook my head at his question.

Not really no.

…

Well yes, I'm a little bothered by it but it's nothing much really. I'm fine with this. Besides, if this date of hers ends well, then I may not have to be pestered by her anymore. Which is good for the preservation of my motto.

….

There is that sour feeling again. Seriously, please give me a clue as to what is causing this? I could always ask Satoshi but I'm sure that he'd just make fun of me again.

…

No?

Fine. Guess I'll just have to suck it up then.

"Aren't you a little bit curious?" asked Satoshi, this time with no trace of the playful tone that he had just now.

…

Am I curious about it?

Maybe. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. But what of it? Like I have any say on the matter. It is her personal business, and I should respect her privacy. Besides, I'm sure that if it goes well, she would just tell us during club. If it doesn't, either she'd tell the whole club, or just one of us. I believe that she's tell atleast Ibara whatever happens.

Besides, I am not like Chitanda where I have to quench my thirst of knowing immediately. I can wait.

…

I didn't say any of that out loud though. Instead, I just shook my head… again.

"…you're hopeless Houtarou. If you continue to be like that, you'd never get a girlfriend. Much more a wife!" cries Satoshi.

As if I'm looking for one though. And really Satoshi? A wife? Aren't we a bit too young for that? Yes, we may be 18 years old now. Yes, we may already be legal for marriage. But no, that is not a reason for one to get oneself a spouse. I mean, just look at us. We are still at high school. We are still being supported by our parents. We don't even have jobs to finance ourselves! So yes, finding a wife is currently out of the question.

…

Well, I would be lying if I say that I've never had interest on the idea of having a girlfriend though. In fact, I have once toyed with the idea of dating the raven-haired beauty. What? I'm still a guy you know? It isn't really that strange if I fantasize of being in relationship with my crush. And the fact that she's too attached to me, it's not really that hard for me to end up thinking about it you know?

But that was long before I realized the implications of doing such. If I date her, I would have to let go of my motto. If I date her, I may no longer be able to spend my weekends in a way where I can restore my energy. If I date her, that would just giver implied permission to pester me about anything and everything, no matter how simple they are.

But above all, if I date her, if she dedicates more of herself to me, she may no longer be able to find a partner who is more worthy of her. Someone who can keep up with her brilliance. Someone who's atleast of the same societal standing as her.

…

I can't accept that. I can't accept that I might be the cause of her not reaching her full potential. I don't want her to end up settling with someone less than she deserves. Someone like me.

Yes, I may able to satiate her curiosity now. Yes, she may be attached to me now. Yes, I can sense that she has some sort of affection for me now (yes, I know. Contrary to popular belief, I am actually not that dense. As a matter of fact, I was able to sense Ibara's affection for Satoshi way before she told us). But still, Chitanda deserves someone better. An under-achiever like me does not deserve her. Such masterpiece must be left to the hands of someone who truly deserves her.

And I have long accepted that that someone isn't me.

…

"Well, just so you know, the date is happening this weekend. As to where it will be held, they, the guy and Chitanda-san, still have to decide on it."

_Okay. Just bombard me with even more useless information like you always do Satoshi. I sure do enjoy them._

"Satoshi, what are you trying to accomplish by telling me this?"

"Hmm. Nothing really."

_Liar. The tone of your voice, your hand gesture, that look on your face… they all say otherwise._

…

I guess I'll just have to expect that my upcoming weekend won't be spent the way I want it to be.

…

Why must these two balls of seemingly endless energy always have this unreasonable need to challenge my motto? At this rate, the time may come where I will tag Ibara as my best friend. And I just know that things won't be in the best of states when that happens.

I mean, just look at our current relationship. Heck, we are more of close acquaintances rather than friends, granted that I don't really have that much friends, but still considering the time that we've been spending together, we should at least be friends right? Nope.

…

Sigh.

"Oh. Looks like we're here. Let's go in now shall we?"

* * *

The vast rice paddies that cover the land greeted my sight as I walk. The relaxing winds met with my face as I continue my trek. The comfortable warmth of the setting sun accompanied me on my every step. _Ah Kamiyama. You may not be as popular as the other towns of Japan, but I love you still._

It is now after classes, and after club. I am now on my way home… supposedly. Let these words be known to everyone who can reach them: today is the day when whatever the Oreki Houtarous of the past have done has caused the most damage to the Oreki Houtarous of the present. Today is the day when Chitanda Eru has finally asked me… to walk her home. And as I have said just a few days ago, I would walk her home if she'd ask me to.

Now you probably might be thinking _Hey, you can always just say no to her you know?_. Believe me, I would if I could. For some mysterious reason that even I, the famous detective of Kamiyama high (courtesy of Satoshi), cannot figure out, I cannot just say no the young lady. I know that it is unreasonable of me. But I just really can't. It's frustrating for me too you know?

…

Well there's no point in dwelling over that now. What's done is done.

Let's just get this over with. We are about halfway to the Chitanda residence anyway.

"Are you really okay with this Oreki-san?" _Are you seriously asking me that Chitanda when we are already this far?_

"Mm." Is my response.

"Oh. Okay." replied Chitanda with a gloomy tone. _Wait, something doesn't feel right about this._

Hmm. Come to think of it, Chitanda has been gloomy all the while that we've been walking together, which is weird. _Oi Chitanda, I'm supposed to be one who's gloomy. Not you._

…

Is it because of my response to her question? Was she referring to another topic when she asked me that? Could she possibly be referring to the date that she'd be having this weekend?

…

"So, have you decided yet?" I dared ask her.

"Hm?" was her reply, a look of confusion on her face.

Hmm. In hindsight, I should probably have given more context. Didn't I hate it when Satoshi was being cryptic?

"You know, where you'd be having your date?" I clarified. This should make up for my mishap earlier.

"Oh. Ah. Right. Well, we still haven't decided yet. Why'd you ask Oreki-san?" ask Chitanda with a hopeful face.

Oh yeah. Why did I ask? Well, because I wanted to confirm my gut feeling.

…

Nah. I won't tell her that.

"No reason really. Just wanted to ask."

"…I see." said she, as she once again averted her gaze from me.

She then followed up with, "Well, we still have a day before the date so we can still think about it."

…

Well it's good that they are not taking this lightly. A date, even the first one, or should I say, especially the first one, must be thought of carefully. It will be the gate that the couples or couples-to-be have to successfully get through in order to have more of such dates. I am not saying that the next dates should not be given anymore thought. But more likely than not, since the two people involved would have become more accustomed to each other, the venue of the date wouldn't matter that much for them.

…

HAHA! This is laughable. Since when have I been expert on this topic? I haven't even been on a single date… oh wait. There was that one time. But it's not like we planned it. It just sort of happened.

…

I see. My spiel on dates may have been bullshit for you, but I still know of something about it that everyone should consider.

"Well, if my opinion matters to you, just pick a place where you're comfortable with."

The raven-haired beauty looked at me at that. Her eyes were glowing. I can no longer feel the gloomy aura that she had earlier.

"Oh. I will consider that. Thank you Oreki-san." as she finished, she beamed me her sweet smile. I felt my cheeks warming up at that.

I averted my gaze from her. It's a natural reaction, so please don't ask me why I did that. Isn't it normal only for us humans to avoid anything that can shorten our lifespan? Well, unless you're a daredevil, which, clearly, I am not.

…

"And, if you ever find yourself in trouble, call me." I said while scratching my cheek. I then returned my look to the young lady and asked, "You still have the phone we've bought together right?"

"O-of course!" frantically says the young lady as she went for her skirt pocket. She then produced what seemed to be the phone that I've been referring to "See?"

Hmm. Nothing much has changed of it… except for that eggplant charm that's joyfully dangling as she waves the phone. Heh. Typical Chitanda.

"How about you Oreki-san? You still have yours?" _Oh right. We bought them as a pair._

"Mm." I said as I have reached into my pocket, the one that houses my phone. When I felt it, I grabbed it and then showed it to the young lady. "Here."

The young lady was delighted at the sight of the phones reuniting. She then had a look of reminiscing.

"I still remember the time when we bought these. It ended up just being the two of us huh Oreki-san?"

Yeah. This was the sort-of-date that I was referring to earlier. Ibara was getting annoyed at the fact the even with phones being common to the point of them becoming necessities for everyday living, we, Chitanda and I, still don't own one. And so she, with the support of Satoshi, has decided to 'accompany' us to the mall so that we can buy our own. I didn't protest thinking better to not incur the wrath of the Ibara any further. You saw how she can be when she's mad right?

Besides, it was about time for me to have my own phone. And that's true for Chitanda too.

And so, we went to mall to buy our phones. And we were accompanied by the couple… for the half of the trip. Along the way, they just suddenly vanished. Well, not really. They just said that they had something to look at and so they went. We waited for them, but after about a half-hour of waiting with no signs of them returning, I knew that were abandoned by them.

Not wanting to put the energy that I have already spent to waste, I prodded Chitanda to just go through with it. I have enough knowledge about phones anyway through the numerous opportunities of having to use Satoshi's phone. And it's not like we're aiming for the fancy ones. We're only getting phones for practicality's sake.

We then eventually found a stall that was having a deal on when you buy one, you get one for free. And since the phones were enough to satisfy our needs, we bought them, splitting the price between us.

That's how Chitanda and I got our own phones… and the reason why they're sort-of matching too.

" _I wonder when we'll ever have the chance to hang-out like that again. Just the two of us."_

…

I wonder too. The possibility of the answer being never is weighing more now though, what with the consideration of the date being successful. If they become a couple, I doubt that the guy would let Chitanda be alone with another guy. It's not like I'm not trustworthy... that's just how things are. I mean, I would probably do the same if I were to become her boyfriend.

I swear that jealousy is a useless emotion.

…

"Oh. We're already here."

Oh. Well, I guess that's the end of my task for today then. Time to go home.

"Oh… Oreki-san. Uhm…. Nevermind."

_Right. Good talk Chitanda, as always._

"Thank you for walking me home. I really appreciate it."

…

"Please take care on your way home."

…

"See you tomorrow Oreki-san."

…

Yeah, see you tomorrow too.

* * *

As I walk my way home, a certain question has been repeatedly ringing on my mind.

" _Are you really okay with this Oreki-san?"_

…

Am I really okay with this?

…

Why are you asking yourself that Houtarou? Of course you're okay with it. That way, you will be able to remain faithful to your motto right? The Oreki Houtarous of the past and future will be proud of you.

…

If I don't have to do it, I won't do it. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick.

…

Am I really okay with this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 - End
> 
> [1] Subtle reference to Oregairu. August 8 is Hikigaya Hachiman's birthday
> 
> [2] Referring to the 3-second goldfish myth. It is widely believed that a goldfish only has a memory span of 3 seconds. A quick google search disproved that though.


	3. Confessions and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will have to forego of my motto.
> 
> If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick.
> 
> Scrap that motto! It needs updating anyway. I have been violating it more and more these days. Could I even consider it my motto?

Ah. The weekend. A very important day for an energy conservationist such as I. It is the day where an energy conservationist can spend the least energy s/he can. To make things sweeter, it is the day where an energy conservationist can restore all the energy that s/he has wasted the past days. Ah. The weekends. What a glorious day. Truly an important day for us energy conservationists.

"Good morning Houtarou-dear!"

So the fact that I'm pissed off at the person in-front of me is justified. Oh so justified.

I know that I've said that I should expect this to happen. But still, I am allowed to be pissed off by it right? Just imagine that you were in my shoes: You have just been through one of the most stressful weeks. On top of having to deal with class, you had to deal with the seemingly unstoppable babbling of Satoshi, the undeserved flinging of Ibara's _words of love,_ and the usual display of the young lady's childlike curiosity.

…

Oh wait. That's how my weekdays always go. I should have gotten used to it by now.

Except, there is one major thing that's been 'missing' the past week: Chitanda's childlike curiosity. She's not as cheery as usual too. _Chitanda, I don't think that's the proper mood to have if you have an upcoming date you know? Most girls and boys will be excited and nervous. Not everyone gets to be on a date afterall._

…

Could it be that she didn't really want to have the date in first place? Then why did she go with it? She could've just said no as always. Then things will be the same. She wouldn't be this… out of character-ish then.

I swear that I just cannot understand the young lady sometimes. Even with the almost three years that I've known her. Should I be worried? Worried over the fact the even if I've known her for that long, I still don't 'know' her?

…

I really shouldn't be thinking of this right now.

I'm pissed off right?

"What do you want Satoshi?" I asked the boy in front of me. I've made obvious my annoyance at him with the way I spoke.

"Now now Houtarou-dear, is that how you greet your lover?"

Now he's just blatantly pissing me off. He knows that I'm not really a morning person. Even moreso during the weekends. And even with that knowledge, he still does this? Seriously, why is he my bestfriend again?

…

Oh right. I don't really have that much friends.

…

That smug smile that he's wearing… I am really this close to shutting the door on his face.

"Aren't you atleast going to give me a hug?"

Okay. That's the final nail on the coffin.

I held the door and was about to close it when Satoshi stopped me.

"Oh c'mon Houtarou, lighten up will you? The day is just beginning! It is still eight in the morning you know?"

Woah.

It is still that early? No wonder why I'm so grumpy.

…

_Oh wait… if you know that is still this early Satoshi, then why are you trying to piss me off?!_

"Just tell me what you want Satoshi."

"All right then. But first, could you please let me in? It's pretty awkward talking like this you know?"

…

Fine.

* * *

"And that's why I came here to fetch you."

"No."

Satoshi just told me that he came to fetch me per request of Ibara. I don't really know much else. That's all he told me. Well, he did talk about something else, but it's mostly random non-sense that would make one say 'Typical Satoshi'.

I doubt him. I mean, why would Ibara request of me? And why through Satoshi? Why didn't she just personally go to me in the first place? Or just phone me even? We bought the phones for a reason.

For sure, if it were Ibara who really came to this house, I would readily accept her request. And no, it's not because I like her or anything. It's because if she has gone that far, it must really be important for her. She does not really ask me for requests that much you know? Something about her pride I think.

The whole thing is just too full of holes for me to be convinced.

"Please Houtarou? I don't want to imagine what kind of face Mayaka would make if I show up without you."

_Not my problem._

"No."

"Come on. This will cheer you up."

I gave him a questioning look at that.

Cheer me up? What need is that for?

"And why would I need cheering up?"

"Well, aren't you bothered by it?"

"Bothered by what?"

"You know, the date?"

…

Is he really bringing this up again? Haven't we already established that I don't care about it?

"For the last time Satoshi, I am not bothered by it. I was never bothered by it."

"You know that is not really true Houtarou." Satoshi said with a serious tone.

…

I really can't deny it though. Truth be told, I was bothered by it, if only a little. Okay, maybe a little more. Fine, a lot. Well, not really at first. But as the day of the 'date' became nearer, I was feeling more unease (which partly explains my grumpiness). I mean, what if Chitanda didn't really want to go on with the date but she had to because she had some personal reasons that she has decided to not divulge to me? If the date does end up well, and if they do become a couple, what would happen of us? I admit that we're not really a couple and I really have no right to meddle with her love life. But I am not too sure if we're just friends either. I just feel that we're more than that. What would happen of us? And would I be okay with it?

…

Stop it Houtarou. We've talked about this. You are okay with this. You gave your consent afterall right? And you've considered the pros and cons. And you've concluded that the pros outweigh the cons. You are fine with this. You have accepted this. Right?

"Fine. I'll go with you."

"Finally!" said Satoshi rather enthusiastically.

Hold your horses there buddy. I'm not going without leverage. I will be spending much more energy that I usually do on weekends. I should atleast get something guaranteed out of it.

"But in exchange, you will not speak of this 'date' and anything related to it in front of me again. Got that?"

"…Well, I'll try my-"

"Do or do not, there is no try **[1]**."

I swear that Satoshi was sweating more than necessary after I said that.

"Y-yes. I'll do it. As exchange for you coming with me, I'll keep my mouth shut about the date."

Good. Now let's just get this over with.

"Really, you're a lifesaver Houtarou!"

You know what's the sad part about that? It could be taken quite literally. An upset Ibara is a scary Ibara. I've unfortunately witnessed such horror already.

"Mm."

* * *

The loud bustling of the crowd can be heard and witnessed from where I currently stand. It should not be a surprise that the mall has this many people today. It is the weekend afterall. While I prefer to just stay and relax at home during the weekends, some people prefer to spend it outside with their friends, usually at a mall or a park or a café or wherever. I do not agree with their preferences for such is unnecessary (I mean, I already see my friends six times a week; a day of only me shouldn't be an issue), but I still do respect their choices. We all have our own idiosyncrasies.

Like the lady in-front of me. She has just this unreasonable need to be always mad at me… well not always, but most of the time. You get the point.

"You're late Fuku-chan."

"Only by five minutes."

"Uh-huh. Still late. But I suppose it's not your fault. You had to deal with that slug afterall." she smirked as she finished.

_Oi, I can hear you. And why do you have to insult me? Weren't you the one who wanted me to be here? That is not how you treat a person whom you have a request for you know?_

"Good morning to you too _Mayaka-chan._ " I greeted her with sarcasm.

"Ew. Don't call me that." she said with obvious annoyance.

"Why should I not call you Mayaka-chan, _Mayaka-chan?_ " I teased her further.

"Seriously stop it. I might really punch you." _Uh-huh. I've heard that one before._

"Go ahead. I won't make the effort to avoid it." I challenged her.

"Ok guys, please stop. If you're gonna flirt like that all day, please get a room." interrupted Satoshi.

_In what universe is this flirting? And are you sure that you should be saying that Satoshi? One of us is your girlfriend you know?_

"And why would anyone want to flirt with that slug?" _Oi, again, I can hear you. And you're considering this flirting too? Ibara, could it be that you actually like me? But you already have a boyfriend! We are just not meant for each other._

…

Not that it matters though.

Didn't I say that I have no need of such things? Love is an unnecessary emotion for an Oreki Houtarou.

"What do you need of me Ibara?" I finally asked her. I didn't go here for nothing. I didn't spend much energy for nothing.

"Hm? Didn't Fuku-chan already tell you?" _Hm? Other than the tidbit that you were the one who asked of me, not really._

I shook my head as a response to her question.

Ibara then glared at Satoshi. Satoshi let out an 'ehe' in response. _Uh-huh. So even with all the numerous information bombs that Satoshi threw at me, he forgot to tell me the most important thing?_

Eventually, Ibara let out a sigh and said,

"Well, we thought that you needed this. Since you know, you might be a little heart-broken due the fact the Chi-chan has a date today."

…

Okay, what was that?

"I'm going home."

I turned around to the direction of my home and was about to be on my way.

"W-wait." Ibara protested. But she was too late.

I didn't take another step. That's because as I've turned around, I saw something that I've concluded that I wasn't supposed to see. Something that I am a little disturbed with. But something that I should have expected.

I see.

This must be the real reason why they brought me here. Such friends they are.

"Explain." I said sternly.

Ibara has the look of guilt on her. Satoshi has an awkward smile plastered on his face.

_Really now, if you already know that what you're doing is wrong, why do it?_

"Ah well… actually we're here to look after Chitanda-san." sheepishly said Satoshi.

I palmed my face at that. What these two are doing is blatant disrespect of the trust that the young lady has placed on them. Such rude creatures!

"You're being rude to her you know that?" I declared with a little bit more force.

I just wish that I could apply more. I am angered! Furious! And that tells something. I am not one to be angered easily afterall.

…

Wait. Why am I getting worked up like this?

"B-but I can't help it! I'm worried about her! This is the very first 'date' of her life you know?" said Ibara, a pleading tone in her voice.

"And so? Is that enough reason for you to spy on them? Haven't you told her that the guy isn't that bad?"

"W-well yeah… but still..." Ibara tried to find words to justify her action. But alas, she couldn't. I know that she knows that what they're doing isn't really justifiable.

Why do I have to deal with this? What did I do to deserve this?

"Houtarou, please, just go with it for now. I know that you're worried too. That's another reason why we've decided to bring you here."

…

Well, I am indeed worried. But not to the point that I find it necessary to spy on her. And I already told her that if she gets into trouble, she could always call me. And I'm sure that she knows that she can call other two too if she finds either of them to be more appropriate to go to for help.

Sure, I am worried but not that worried.

…

But since I'm already here and have already spent supposedly dormant energy, I might as well go with it. I have to check on them too. Who knows what else these two would do?

"Fine. But if we are found out, only you two are to blame."

* * *

We did exactly that. We spied on the two making sure that we keep a reasonable distance. So far, everything seems to be normal. They did typical things couples would do on a date: went to a café; had some drinks; chat for a while; go shopping; went to an arcade; went to see the movies.

If you're wondering why I know all this, blame Satoshi. He's been feeding me that kind of information ever since he started dating Ibara. And no, I do not envy him. I do not envy the fact that he gets to enjoy the company of a girlfriend, even more on certain days. In fact, I pity him. I can just imagine the energy he has to spend. The thought of it makes me shudder.

And yes, we're still following the two. And no, the two still hasn't noticed us. I don't know if it's because we're doing a doing a good job at not being spotted; or the two are just very oblivious. Either way, I am not proud of this. I've had enough.

"Oi Ibara, shouldn't this be enough? By the look of things, nothing wrong is going to happen." I said to the petite girl.

Ibara had a doubtful look on her. I can feel that she is still conflicted. _Oh come on you! Chitanda is no longer a child. She can handle herself._

…

I cannot deny that I can relate with her though. I am still worried about Chitanda. However, I still do not agree with what we are doing. There really is no justifiable reason for this.

"I'm afraid that I have to agree with Houtarou on this one." _Oi. What is there to be afraid of? And why are you hesitant on agreeing with me?_ "And I'm not really comfortable doing this." _Glad that I'm not alone on that one._

Ibara did not move. She is still thinking. But I don't think that she has to think this hard to come up with the logical decision. I mean, I know that Ibara is smart. I know that she is righteous. I know that she knows that what she's doing isn't really something that she should be doing… or anyone else for that matter.

…

_Come on Ibara. I know you know what it is that we shouldn't be doing. Just let it go._

After a minute of not saying or doing anything, Ibara let out a sigh. It seems that she has finally realized the ethics of what we're doing.

"Yeah. I'm no longer confident with this anyway. Let's just hope that Oreki is right." said Ibara in a defeated tone. _Oh, no longer calling me a slug? Is she really that bother by this? It's not like Chitanda's dating a criminal you know?_

Now that it's established that we all agree that we should stop with what we are doing, I think it's time to go home.

"I'm going home now. And be sure that you won't be following them anymore. Got it?"

"Copy that."

"Yeah yeah. We got you Oreki."

* * *

I know that I've said that I'm going home. But I still haven't. I am still currently at the mall. But don't get me wrong. I am not here to spy on the two. I just figured that since I've already spent energy on going here, I might as well take some time to browse or even buy a few books. I'm about to consume my bookshelf anyway so I think it's about time to stock on new ones.

I am currently skimming through a book. It's only one of the many books from its series. From what I've skimmed through, I gather that is about a highschool boy who has been ostracized by his peers. He then embraced his loner persona. At the second year of high school, his homeroom teacher forced him to join a club… I don't even know why I'm reading this. The title should have put me off. **[2]**

Eh. Since it already got me interested, it wouldn't hurt to atleast buy the first volume. That way, it wouldn't really hurt my wallet that much.

I grabbed the book and a few more and went to the cashier to pay for them. After paying, I went out of the store and I'm finally on my way home.

…

Well, that is until I felt a vibrating sensation in my pocket.

What could it be?

…

Ah.

My phone.

I grabbed the device from my pocket and immediately answered the call, not bothering to look at the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Oreki-san." _Yep. Knew it._

"Yes Chitanda, it's me. What is it?"

"Uhm… I don't know how to tell you… but uhmm-"

Hold on. This isn't like our usual calls. I remembered that I've said something to her before their date. There is a reason why Chitanda called me right now. And it is a reason that I am not comfortable with.

"Wait. Where are you right now?"

"Uh, why are you asking Oreki-san?"

"Just tell me."

"Y-y-yess. I am currently at the Kamiyama City Mall."

"Where exactly?"

"Huh?"

"Just tell me. Please!"

"I uhh- I am just outside the cinema."

"Stay there."

"Wha- Oreki-san-"

I ended the call as soon I've identified. I then went to her as fast I could.

God or whoever you are, I know that I don't pray to you often. But please, just grant me this. Please keep Chitanda safe.

* * *

"Oreki-san?"

I've managed to hear Chitanda's voice in-between bouts of panting.

"Chi-tan-da. Are. you .okay?" I said, trying hard to atleast form a sentence. It seems that the way I sprinted to here has taken a toll on my body. I really should exercise more.

"Y-y-yes. I'm fine. But why did you come here? And why do you look so… exhausted?"

Come to think of it, why did I rush my way here? I didn't even let her tell me what her reason for calling me is. I just asked for her location and went my way. That was seriously way too OOC for me. And look, I had to spend more energy than I should have? Why is it that whenever it is about this girl, I cannot just act according to my motto?

…

Ah.

That must be it.

"I just wanted to make sure you're safe."

There's no denying it.

"By the way, why did you call me?"

What I have for her isn't just mere infatuation.

"Uhmm… well… you said that I should call you if something happens. So I called."

I am not yet sure if it is love.

"What happened?"

"Uhm well, we had to end the date early. He had some urgent business that he needed to attend to."

But I am sure that it isn't just mere infatuation.

"I see. I guess I worried for nothing huh?"

And it is not something that I can ignore for too long.

"Yeah. You kinda did huh?"

And I can feel that she feels something similar to me.

"Come on. Let me walk you home."

It does not matter whether I think that I don't deserve her. It does not matter whether I think that she deserves someone better. It does not matter whatever I think of it.

"Say Chitanda, you planning on having another date with him?"

What matters is what we feel. What matters is our longing for each other. What matters is our undeniable affection for each other.

"Uhmm no… He's a good person. But I don't think that we'd work out."

Yeah sure, I will be embracing the rose-coloured life this way. I will have to forego of my motto.

"I see… hey, you don't seem too enthusiastic about this date. Why did you go with it still?"

I will have to answer to all of her whim.

"Well, I wanted to atleast try it. I'm not getting any younger you know?"

But it will be worth it. I will make it worth it. We will make it worth it.

"And I think it's about time for me to find a lifelong partner. Truth be told, I cannot handle our family business on my own."

She's just too precious to me. It's the reason why I abhor the thought of her being with another guy. It's the reason why I feel disgusted whenever I push her away.

"It is true that my family could just arrange me with someone from a prominent family when they find the need to. But, if I'm gonna get married, I want to have a deeper relationship with my partner."

And I won't let her go this time.

"And so I tried. But, I don't think I'll be entertaining anyone else soon. I think that it could wait for a little bit more."

I may be about two years late. But better late than never.

"That's too bad then."

I will have to forego of my motto.

"Huh?"

If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick.

"Chitanda, remember the talk we had after the first doll festival that I've spent with you?"

Scrap that motto! It needs updating anyway. I have been violating it more and more these days. Could I even consider it my motto?

"You choose to pursue the sciences right?"

…

"How about this? If you're fine with me, how about I handle the business side that you chose to let go?"

If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick. But if I'm dealing with Chitanda Eru, nevermind the first two sentences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confessions and Denial - End
> 
> [1] Star Wars Reference. One of Yoda's quotes.
> 
> [2] Hehe


End file.
